Dating Apps

Self Love Series- Part III

Dating apps are used for many reasons; finding love, a bed buddy, or trying to pass time. There are people, and I know people who have met their significant others through dating apps. According to a Pew Research Center Study, around 57% of online daters have positive experiences with dating apps. And I was not in that percentile.

For the four years that I was in college, I was in a healthy relationship. The only time that I would encounter dating apps like Tinder, was when I was with my single friends. The enjoyment of swiping left or right for friends and having the occasional conversation with a potential match was short-lived.  No one told me that a year ago, I would be single. And since there isn’t a guidebook to tell me when I should get back into the dating life, I thought that I would give it a try, but it was a complete waste of time.

I tried Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. I went on Tinder because everyone talks about Tinder. And at the time, I thought that it would be a nice app to meet new guys, or at the very least, make new friends. Tinder came to be a big disappointment as I swiped left to a point where the app told me that I had no new potential people. And when I would get a match with a guy, it was either about sex, the conversation quickly died out, or the guy never responded; and I was not going to continue to message someone who couldn’t respond.

Bumble lasted on my phone for one day. I downloaded it, made an account, and within a few hours, I deleted my account and the app. For those who like Bumble, good for you, and I am happy that you’re happy with it. But Bumble didn’t do anything for me. It wasn’t a good experience using it and it felt like a waste of time.

After the unsuccessful day with Bumble, a good friend of mine told me about Hinge and told me that I should give it a try.

I had Hinge for a couple of weeks. What I like about Hinge, is that I can put jokes and answer questions that will be in my profile, in addition to the pictures. But as the commercial says “Hinge. The dating app designed to be deleted,” and boy is that true. Another dating app had gone wrong, and it was partially my fault. When a young man replied to one of my questions, I didn’t have the energy, nor did I care to respond.

After trying these dating apps, I discovered something. Though I care for looks, what I find more attractive is having an intellectual conversation with someone. And I only had that type of conversation one time. It was at a local bookstore and we talked about philosophy for like 10 minutes. And I was attracted, not to his physical appearance, but his brain. That is the kind of conversation that I crave to have with other men.

I also learned that I’m not ready for dating apps. It was nice to test the waters, but if I meet a guy, then I meet a guy. There’s no reason to rush anything. Life is a journey, and I want to live in this moment of being single.

Here is some advice. I’m not saying to ditch dating apps, because people do find their ‘true loves’ through them. But if you want something more, something more tangible than an awkward conversation that will more or likely turn into a one-night stand, then you need to get out there. Go out with friends to a bar or a club. Go to social gatherings or a local bookstore and talk to someone who shares a common interest in genres. (Please don’t do any of those things right now because of COVID-19. Stay safe). For me, speaking to a young man face to face is better than seeing a good-looking face on Tinder who has an ugly personality.

-Nadine Bourne