Are You Really Okay?

The attention was flattering. For the first five minutes. Now I know how poems feel.

-Margaret Edson, WIT.

Recently, I find myself reading plays in my spare time. One play, in particular, is WIT by Margaret Edson. Don’t worry, I’m not going to spoil the play if you haven’t read it yet, but here’s the play as a whole.

An older woman, Vivian, who has cancer, is telling her story to the audience, much of the time breaking the fourth wall. During the course of the play, we see her childhood, college/post-college life, her career, and what life was like after she found out she had cancer. 

Even though I knew how the play will end, the ending still got to me. And yes, the name of the play, wit, came about a few times, but to me, being witty or having wit wasn’t the main point of my play. 

I truly believe that we as humans have become desensitizing to ourselves when a person asks us “how are you”. That question alone splits me in half. On one hand, the person asking can genuinely be asking how are you, and actually want to know. On the other hand, some people ask that question as a quick formality because they feel forced or obligated to ask it, but they truly don’t care. Sometimes, people ask how are you or how are you feeling as a screener, and are waiting to ask you the question that they really want to ask. 

And most of the time, the answer to that question is I’m fine. Even when we might be at our lowest, our answer still remains as I’m fine. In the play, as the character continually got sick, every time the doctors came and asked her how she felt, she would always say that she was fine, even when she could barely walk.

We do the same thing. Recently, I had to tell myself to stop doing that. It doesn’t do any good for me when I lie about how I feel. And if the people who are asking me how are you, then they should care enough to hear the real answer. I do this and I feel better because I’m being honest about my feelings and releasing those frustrations. I’ve started to tell my friends that if they aren’t fine, then say it and let me call you so we can talk. Little changes like that make the biggest differences. 

Think about it this way. If you continuously say that you are fine when you aren’t, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Life isn’t going to get better. And coming from experience, you only feel worse about yourself, thinking and making yourself believe that there is no one to talk to about your feelings and your problems. Just like the antagonist Vivian, she believed that none of her doctors, and to an extent the other workers, cared about her health and mental state, but she was wrong. 

So instead of bottling up your feelings, I want everyone to practice this. If you are feeling down, upset, or just not okay, do not lie about your feelings. If someone asks you how are you doing, don’t shy away from the question because you are not being a burden to them. Let people know how you really feel and I can guarantee you that you will feel better, emotionally and spiritually.